Suburban Decay

The last time I saw you,you texted me thirty seconds after Ieft”I miss you”. What happened between then and now? I miss you too

I should know now not to get my hopes up with you. I should hate you but I can’t. I still know what shirt you wore when we hugged for the first time. I know everything except why you turned away

Please let this work. I can’t stand not talking to you. Let’s just try again

I know the color of her eyes

I know how her wavy hair spreads over my pillow like a blond wave

I know her favorite jacket

I know where the best food is in her kitchen

I know what songs will get her dancing

I know the smile she wakes up with

I could recognize her handwriting anywhere

I know where my long limbs fit best within her curves

I know her

God is just an excuse for people to blame stupid stuff we do on. -my opinion

Here I am

Windows open

Nothing between me

And you

But empty space

Reach through it

Grab my hand

And pull us through

Back to where we’ve been

Or someplace new

Anywhere

But where we are

Now let’s sprint.

Into the waves.

Screaming.

Cheering.

Free.

Let’s fall and let the earth

Take us

She is standing in the shower. She has been standing here for over an hour letting the water, long since turned cold, run over her back and wash away her tears. She knows shes wasting water but she doesn’t care. She can’t seem to care about anything anymore. She goes through the day like a robot. One foot in front of the other. Monotonous. Asleep. She comes hone and drops her responsibility and her wall at the door and cries. She’s not sure why she’s crying but the tears always come. She knows she is pushing herself to the brink. That she needs to stop before careening over the cliff but she can’t. She isn’t alive anymore and her only solace is music. For that she lives. Maybe one day a song will touch her and give her strength to save herself but for now it just gets her by. Tonight, in the shower she is planning the music for her funeral. She knows it’s soon arriving and she wants the one thing she loves to have the spotlight.

I’m still not who I know I am, but I’m getting there and I know that I will make it. It can happen. But I need love, music, friends and some glitter to believe and to get there.

imperfectgraylies:

I hate being this emotional.

I’m so full of happiness + fear + anxiety + worry + love + hope + loss + confusion + anger + every other emotion you could think of.

This terrifies me. I’m terrified of having so much emotion. 

Edit: I don’t feel this way very often, I felt it after GNT, I just had to remove myself from everything. It’s insane. It’s scary. 

This

I want someone to fall asleep with. I want someone who can be my pillow. I want someone to hold me when I cry. I want someone to eat junkfood with me and watch bad movies. I want someone to walk in the rain with. I want someone I can always talk to no matter what time. I want someone who will be there for me and not just say it. I need someone,anyone

I’m into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual

I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude

I’m BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot

I’m A LESBIAN, so I MUST be butch

I’m a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth

I DON’TWEAR DRESSES/SKIRTS, so I MUST me a tomboy

I’m YOUNG, so I MUST be naive

I’m SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch

I’m OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control

I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshiping baby killer

I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish

I’m a GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress

I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass

I’m WILLING TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS, so I MUST be obnoxious, arrogant and picking for a fight

I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian

I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual

I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict

I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian

I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie

I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs

I listen to ROCK, so I MUST be into metal/grunge

I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up

I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch

I’m DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention

I’m an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean

I haven’t EVER HAD A BOYFRIEND, so I MUST be unromantic

I DON’T WEAR MAKE-UP, so I MUST have issues

I’m THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder

I’m BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz

I’m a BRUNETTE, so I MUST be a smart ass

I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all

I’m INTO ANIME, so I MUST be a geek with no life

I’m GAY, so I MUST have AIDS

I’m ASIAN, so I MUST love math

I’m BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare

I’m PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists

I’m EMO so I MUST slit my wrists

I’m RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I PRONOUNCE ALL THE LETTERS WHEN I SPEAK, so I MUST be posh and snobby

I DON’T GET IN TROUBLE, so I MUST be a goody-two-shoes

I’m ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist

I’m IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic

I’m a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a with a jock boyfriend

I’m a JEW, so I MUST be greedy

I’m a METHODIST so I MUST be lazy not caring person

I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS

I’m a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head

I’m AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries

I’m ENGLISH, so I MUST be lazy, messy and uncaring

I’m a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports

I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time

I LOVE MY FRIENDS, so I MUST be giving them something

I’m SUSPICIOUS, so I MUST be an arrogant jerk

I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi

I’m IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek

I’m a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious

I have ADHD, so I MUST be a crazy-chick that you can’t control

I’m NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser

I DON’T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals

I’m a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible

I’m a REPUBLICAN, so I MUST support everything that Bush does

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay

I’m a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid and stuck up

I’m POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals

I’m ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life

I HAVE SUICIDAL TENTANCIES, so I MUST be insane

I am SHORT, so I MUST be young

I am A BOOKWORM, so I MUST be a dreamer

I am A DREAMER, so I MUST be insane (unrealistic)

I HAVE MANY DIFFERENT INTERESTS, so I MUST be unable to commit to one thing

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention

I’m SHORT, so I MUST compensate with something else

I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too

I AM DIFFERENT!!

Stop stereotypes! Copy this list into your profile and add any more that you can think of. BOLD ones are me.

Where can I be me? Who is here when the walls come crashing down?

Am I even here for me? Do I hide and let my emotions swarm me? Overwhelming me until I have no place to go?

Yes.

Where is the person to reach through the swarm, and pull me out? And to hold me when I shake, and to push me when I hesitate?

Who is here? Out there? Let me know if you hear them call.

Here lies your memory/Once shining and perfect/Here lies your memory/Now tarnished and broken/ Here lies your memory/Which I carried faithfully/Here lies you memory/A weight off my shoulders/ Here lies your memory

okay, so today….lets see. at 8AM i was in PE doing a skit about a unicorn named Sparkles going to the moon. then it was religion and we listened to moulin and had a huided meditation AKA NAPTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so great. and then lunch. it was cheese stick day. BEST DAY EVER!!! so i had fried chees for lunch :D! AND THEN IT WAS ENGLISH! my english class is the best part of my day. today we were identifing modern oddyseys. One group was doing harry potter and they said “ANYONE WHO DOESNT WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AT THE END LEAVE” so three peole ran into the hallway. my teacher was all” only this class….”so very true. then shanzay proposed to me using text from pride and prejudice. and my locker IS FABULOUSSSSSSSSS. that was a really terrible recap of the day but…it was good. OH YEAH! i came home to adam eating tommy, ISOMMY and adam jacking off onstage. good day

If anybody ever asked, I would say my favorite part of @adamlambert’s show is the fifteen seconds in aftermath after “tell a stranger that they’re beautiful” during montes guitar jam. Adam always looks really in the moment and happy. It’s also my favorite line he sings. So yeah. That would be my favorite part. “take a trip/fall into the glitter/tell a stranger that they’re beautiful/so all you feel is love.”

Sometimes that one word can bring something amazing crashing to the ground.

You should not have said that. And its going to take a while for you to regain my respect.

imperfectgraylies:

At school I’m good at acting happy, it comes very easily, the fake façade, it’s all very easy. Online, when I’m on my computer, I can’t do it. I hate lying, I hate typing out smileys when that’s anything but what I’m feeling. Because online, when I’m typing it out, it’s admitting that I’m happy, when in fact, I’m not. It’s saying it, out loud, just on a computer. When I’m at school and I act happy, I don’t have to say that I’m not. I can just pretend.

Today in religion we had to write what we believe in on paper plates.As this is catholic school there were a fair amount of “I believe in god..” there’s nothing wrong with that if it’s your view but its not mine. I have been thinking a lot about what I DO believe so I wrote this, “I was born Jewish and I became a bat mitzvah but I don’t believe in god. If I had to explain my beliefs I would say I believe in love. I believe in music. I believe in communities coming together. I believe everyone should be accepted no matter what.” besides my best friend Haley and I there were two others who wrote they didn’t believe in god. All four of us wrote about acceptance. Even though religion is important at my school and I’m in the minority of non-belivers, acceptance is the major under lying theme at Notre Dame. Around here the only really good schools are private catholic. Three of the five are unisex. Bellermine is all boys so that was out when I was applying. Presentation and Notre Dame are a girls and i decided that’s what I wanted. I shadowed at both. Pres has the reputation of training girls how to be bitches, and it’s basically true. The majority of girls at the school are white, catholic, blond, stick thin and nasty to each other. Notre Dame is the complete opposite. I have not seen one click there ever. It’s really small, 600ish girls in the school so everyone knows,at least vaguely, everyone else. Yeah, there’s a uniform but most of the time we just wear sweats. Sometimes I decided to wear my skirt and boots but really, at 6 30 remembering my name is the important part. Notre dame is best described by this quote from my mom, “ND is basically a collection of really smart, funny, weird girls. Can I go?” People at ND don’t care who you are, what you look like, who’s pictures are in your locker, how recently you shaved your legs or what religion you are. The other day after school, two girls were laying in the “park” in the sun holding hands as obviously more than friends and no one cared, or even looked twice. I know how lucky I am to go to a school were I can be myself and know that I will be accepted. And I love the fact that I can say I am Jewish in my catholic religion classroom an have people go “That’s so cool!!! DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THE HAT THINGYS??” I love my friends and my school and the community ND is. And I’m not sure how this post went from religion to my entire school but I like it. Also, I’m pretty sure I was the only one to write “and I believe in the power of glitter.” on the back of my plate.